The toddler years are magical. You get to watch your child discover the world, say their first sentences, and develop a hilarious personality. But let’s be real; when the sun goes down, that magic often turns into mayhem. Bedtime battles, curtain calls, and middle-of-the-night parties are exhausting.
Getting a toddler to sleep independently can feel like negotiating a hostage situation. I have been there, coffee in hand, wondering if I’d ever sleep again. The good news is that with a few adjustments to your schedule and environment, you can reclaim your evenings. Here is what worked for me and countless families in my medical practice.
Key Takeaways
- Build a Routine: Consistency is key. Create a predictable sequence like bath, books, and bed to signal it’s time to sleep.
- Set the Scene: Optimize the bedroom environment with blackout curtains, white noise, and a cool temperature (68, 72°F).
- Watch the Clock: Avoid overtiredness by sticking to an age-appropriate bedtime, usually between 7:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m.
- Burn Energy: Ensure your toddler gets plenty of physical activity and outdoor play during the day to build sleep pressure.
How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep
Start by Winding Down
Toddlers have two gears: full speed and asleep. Going from running laps around the living room to lying quietly in bed requires a transition period. They need help shifting gears.
While it is tempting to let them zone out in front of a tablet, screens are the enemy of sleep. The blue light emitted from phones and TVs suppresses melatonin, the hormone responsible for making us sleepy. If melatonin is suppressed, falling asleep becomes chemically difficult for your child (1).
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends cutting screen time at least one hour before bed (2).
Instead, dim the lights in the house to mimic the setting sun. Use this time to pack toys away quietly or engage in low-energy activities like puzzles.
This is also the perfect time for a warm bath. If daily baths aren’t your thing, a warm washcloth on the face and hands can have a similar soothing effect before changing into pajamas.
Create a Predictable Routine
Toddlers crave predictability. It gives them a sense of control in a big world. A consistent bedtime routine acts as a cue to their brain that sleep is coming.
A solid routine might look like this: dinner, bath, brushing teeth, pajamas, a bedtime story, and a final tuck-in with a favorite stuffed animal (3).
You don’t need to overcomplicate it. The most important factor is the order of events. If you do bath-then-books one night, and books-then-bath the next, it can confuse your toddler. Stick to the script.
We know life gets messy. Some nights you are running late, or you are just too tired for a long bath. That is okay. You can shorten the routine, but try not to skip steps entirely. Read one page of a book instead of three.
If your toddler pushes back, try a visual schedule. A chart with pictures of a toothbrush, pajamas, and a bed allows them to check off the steps. It gives them a job to do and makes them feel independent.
Offer a Boring Snack
Growth spurts are real, and a hungry toddler will not sleep well. A small, boring snack before brushing teeth can help bridge the gap between dinner and breakfast.
Aim for foods that contain protein or complex carbs, which promote sleepiness. Think a few bites of turkey, a slice of whole-wheat toast, or a little oatmeal. Avoid sugar or anything fun that might hype them up. A banana is a great option because it contains magnesium and potassium, which help relax muscles.
However, keep the snack separate from the sleep association. If you are still using bottles or nursing to get them to sleep, this is the age to start breaking that link.
I recommend that parents offer this last feeding 20 to 30 minutes before bedtime. Allowing toddlers to sleep with milk on their teeth puts them at risk of cavities from the sugars in milk. To prevent this, I recommend brushing (or at least wiping down) their teeth after milk or breastfeeding at bedtime (4). Once most of the primary teeth are in, the bottle nipple can cause a gap or abnormal opening between the top and bottom teeth. To prevent this. It is best to transition to a sippy cup before age 2 (5).
Editor's Note:
Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAPThe goal is to put them down awake so they learn to fall asleep without eating. This helps prevent cavities and reduces night wakings.
Respect the Biological Clock
Timing is everything. If you miss your toddler’s “sleep window,” their body produces cortisol and adrenaline. This second wind makes them wired, hyperactive, and much harder to settle.
Most toddlers do best with a bedtime between 7:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m. If you wait until they look tired, it might be too late (6).
Consistency sets their circadian rhythm. If bedtime is 7:30 p.m., stick to it. Eventually, their body will naturally start winding down at 7:15 p.m.
Dealing With Late Naps
Don’t Skip Naps Too Early
The transition away from naps can be tricky. Most experts recommend keeping a nap until at least age 3 or 4 (7).
Toddlers aged 1 to 3 usually need 11 to 14 hours of total sleep in a 24-hour period. If they drop the nap too early, the days become too long, leading to evening crankiness and tantrums.
If your child refuses to sleep during the day, implement “Quiet Time.” Put them in their room with books or quiet toys for an hour. Often, they will fall asleep out of boredom. If not, at least they (and you) got a rest.
I occasionally hear a parent complain that their infant or toddler “just doesn’t nap.” The parent has tried a variety of calming techniques to encourage naptime, but it never happens. In these situations, I recommend scheduling some “downtime” by dimming the lights and creating a calm, less stimulating environment for an hour each day. In this way, their toddler still gets some rest time.
Editor's Note:
Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAP
Create a Cave-Like Environment
Your toddler’s room should be conducive to sleep. Think of it as a cave: cool, dark, and quiet.
Start with the temperature. The ideal sleeping temperature for kids is between 68°F and 72°F. If the room is too hot or too cold, they will wake up.
Next, block out the light. Blackout curtains are a non-negotiable, especially during summer months when the sun sets late. Darkness signals the brain to produce melatonin.
Finally, consider sound. A white noise machine is excellent for masking household noises, like the TV or a barking dog. It creates a consistent soundscape that helps link sleep cycles (8).
If your child is afraid of the dark, a dim night light is fine. Just ensure it is a warm color (red or orange) rather than blue or bright white.
Burn Off the Energy
Toddlers are little bundles of kinetic energy. If they don’t burn it off physically, they will have a hard time settling down mentally.
Aim for plenty of outdoor play during the day. Fresh air and sunlight help regulate their body clock (9).
This is very important for older toddlers who attend preschool. They often do not get enough physical activity in this structured setting. I recommend an hour of outdoor play after preschool daily. It can reduce bedtime resistance and make mealtime and other evening activities much calmer.
Editor's Note:
Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAPEngage in active play like running, jumping, or playground time. However, try to stop roughhousing about an hour before bed so they have time to calm down.
Laughter is also a great tension release. A good giggle fit before the bedtime routine starts can help release stress hormones, making it easier for them to relax (10).
Break the Sleep Crutches
If your toddler relies on you to rock, rub, or feed them to sleep, they have a “sleep crutch.” When they wake up slightly between sleep cycles at 2:00 a.m., they will need you to recreate that condition to fall back asleep.
To get them sleeping through the night, they need to learn to fall asleep independently. This means putting them into their crib or bed while they are drowsy but still awake.
This transition takes patience. You can sit by the bed and offer verbal reassurance, but avoid picking them up. Over time, move your chair further away from the bed until you are out of the room.
Try the Check-and-Console Method
If your toddler is protesting, you might try a method often called “gradual retreat” or “check-and-console.”
After the routine, say goodnight and leave. If they cry, wait a specific amount of time (say, two minutes) before going back in. Keep the visit brief and boring. Say, “I love you, it is time for sleep,” and leave again. Do not pick them up.
Gradually increase the time you wait between checks (5 minutes, then 10 minutes). This reassures them that you haven’t vanished, but it gives them the space to figure out how to settle themselves.
It is tough in the beginning, but consistency pays off. Praise them heavily the next morning for staying in bed.
Keep Sleep Positive
Avoid using the bedroom or bedtime as a punishment. If you send your child to their room for a “time out” during the day, they may start associating that space with negative feelings (11).
Frame sleep as a special time to recharge. Tell them, “We sleep so we can have lots of energy to play at the park tomorrow.” Keep the vibe around bedtime warm, cozy, and loving.
Identifying Sleep Problems
Every toddler has a bad night occasionally. However, if bedtime is a battlefield every single night, or your child seems perpetually exhausted, there might be an underlying issue.
Here are signs your toddler isn’t getting enough quality sleep:
- Hyperactivity: Tired toddlers often act wired rather than sleepy.
- Frequent Tantrums: A short fuse is a classic sign of sleep deprivation.
- Clumsiness: More trips, falls, and bumps than usual.
- Difficulty Waking: It is hard to get them up in the morning.
If you notice the following, consult your pediatrician:
- Snoring or Mouth Breathing: This could indicate enlarged tonsils or sleep apnea (12).
- Night Terrors: Different from nightmares, these involve screaming while seemingly asleep (13).
- Sleepwalking: Walking around while asleep.
Parents often question me about their child snoring. Snoring alone isn’t necessarily a problem, and it commonly occurs in the presence of nasal congestion from an upper respiratory infection or allergies. However, I’m concerned when there are pauses in breathing between the snores. These pauses may be followed by a gasp or “choking” sound before breathing resumes. This is classic sleep apnea that warrants medical attention.
Editor's Note:
Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAPInterestingly, symptoms of sleep deprivation can look a lot like ADHD. Before jumping to behavioral conclusions, ensure their sleep hygiene is solid (14).
Taming the Bedtime Meltdown
When a toddler is overtired, their brain literally cannot regulate emotions. Here is a step-by-step game plan for when the meltdown hits.
1. Minimize Stimulation
Turn off everything. No TV, no music, no bright lights. If there are siblings running around, ask them to play elsewhere. You need to lower the sensory input immediately. A dark, quiet room with white noise is best.
2. The Deep Pressure Hug
If they are flailing, safely hold them close. A firm hug provides deep pressure input, which can be calming to the nervous system. Position them against your chest so they can hear your heartbeat. Avoid restricting them painfully, but hold firm enough so they feel secure.
3. Rhythmic Movement
Movement soothes the brain stem. Sway back and forth, bounce gently on a yoga ball, or rock in a chair. Find a rhythm and stick to it. It mimics the sensation of being in the womb and triggers a relaxation response.
4. Regulate Yourself
Toddlers co-regulate with their caregivers. If you are frantic, they will be frantic. Take deep breaths. Listen to calming music on headphones if you need to block out the crying. If you feel your anger rising, tag in your partner. You cannot calm a storm if you are a hurricane.
5. The Transfer
Once their body relaxes and the crying slows to a whimper, try to lay them down. Keep a hand firmly on their chest or back for a few moments so they still feel your presence. Shush gently. If they ramp up again, you may need to repeat the holding, but try to settle them in the bed eventually.
The Big Kid Bed Dilemma
One of the biggest questions parents have is: “When should I switch to a toddler bed?”
The answer: Wait as long as possible.
The crib keeps them contained. Once you remove the rails, you introduce the “Jack-in-the-box” game, where they pop out of bed 50 times a night. Unless they are climbing out of the crib and risking injury, keep them in the crib until closer to age 3.
If you are co-sleeping or bed-sharing and it works for your family, that is great. Enjoy the snuggles. But if no one is sleeping well, or you want your bed back, you will need to be consistent about moving them to their own space. It will take a few weeks of walking them back to their room every time they wake up, but they will eventually get the message (15).
A Note on Melatonin
You might have heard parents raving about melatonin gummies. Melatonin is a hormone our bodies produce naturally to signal sleep.
While synthetic melatonin is widely available, it is not regulated by the FDA like a medication. It should be used with caution and only under the guidance of a pediatrician.
It is generally viewed as a short-term fix to reset a clock (like after jet lag), not a long-term solution for behavioral sleep issues.
I do not recommend using melatonin under the age of 6 in my practice. Unfortunately, many infant and toddler products contain melatonin and are marketed as safe without the science to support this claim.
Editor's Note:
Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAPAlways talk to your doctor before introducing any supplements. Safety data on long-term use in children is still limited (16).
FAQs
Why Is My Toddler Refusing to Go to Bed?
Refusal usually stems from overtiredness, a desire for independence, or “FOMO” (fear of missing out). Sticking to a calm, consistent routine helps reduce the battle.
How Long Should It Take a Toddler to Fall Asleep?
On average, a tired but calm toddler takes about 15 to 20 minutes to drift off. If it takes longer, they may not be tired enough, or they may be overtired.
What Time Should a 2-Year-Old Go to Bed?
Most 2-year-olds should be asleep between 7:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m. This aligns with their natural circadian rhythms and ensures they get enough restorative night sleep.
How Long Should I Let My Toddler Cry It Out?
This depends on your comfort level and chosen method. Ferber suggests starting with 3, 5 minutes and gradually increasing intervals. Always ensure their basic needs are met first.
How Do I Teach My Toddler to Self-Soothe at Night?
Encourage self-soothing by putting them down drowsy but awake. Offer a comfort object like a lovey or blanket (if age-appropriate) to help them feel secure without you.
What Is the 2-Year Sleep Regression?
Around age 2, toddlers experience a sleep regression linked to developmental milestones like increased language and imagination. Stick to your routine; it usually passes in a few weeks.
