How to Teach Baby to Sleep Alone: Survival Guide

Watching your newborn sleep peacefully in your arms is a beautiful thing. But having an older baby or toddler who cannot fall asleep without being rocked in your arms is less of a joy, especially when this happens three or four times a night.

We’ve been stuck in this position and have learned many tricks for reversing the situation.

We’ll share our own experiences and the advice we’ve given to countless tired parents. We’ll get you back on track so you can start helping your baby fall asleep alone.

When Should Babies Learn To Sleep Alone?

All babies are different. However, most can start learning to sleep alone between 3 and 6 months old ⁽¹⁾. The exception is babies with underlying issues, such as illness, prematurity, or developmental delay.

Are you wondering whether your baby is ready to learn how to sleep alone? Speak with your medical professional to ensure there are no reasons why you can’t move ahead with this. Once you have the all-clear, you can begin when it works for you.

How To Teach Your Baby To Sleep Alone

Many parents and experts talk about “sleep training.” For some people, this phrase is synonymous with leaving your baby to cry themselves to sleep without intervention ⁽²⁾. To avoid this association, we’ll talk about teaching babies to sleep rather than training them.

Naptime, Bedtime, or Both?

Much has been written on sleep teaching at naptime, bedtime, or both. Unfortunately, there are no consistent, evidence-based answers to this question.

Some experts suggest beginning with when you put down your baby to nap. The theory is that an overly tired caregiver may not be able to stick with sleep teaching in the middle of the night. As a result, they may give up too quickly or cave in and revert to old habits just to get some sleep.

Others suggest it is more important to “fix” nighttime sleep issues and that you should tackle those first.

We recommend you look at sleep as a whole and not distinguish between nighttime and daytime sleep. This way, a baby learns the same associations for falling asleep no matter the time of day or night.

In clinical practice, I find that parents are most frustrated by interrupted nighttime sleep, so I recommend solving these issues first. Also, some infants do not take significant daytime naps. These infants will sleep for one or two 10- to 15-minute intervals yet sleep longer periods at night.

Editor's Note:

Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAP

However, everyone is different, and you should always do what works best for you and your family.

Choose the Right Time

While you may want to begin to teach babies to sleep alone as soon as possible, choosing the right time is critical for success ⁽⁴⁾.

If possible, plan to begin sleep teaching at a time that will cause as few disruptions to your regular routine as possible. Avoid beginning shortly before scheduled immunizations, changes to daycare, vacations, and other similar events.

But don’t just consider your baby’s day-to-day routine. You also must be in a place where you can stick with the program. It’s just as important not to begin teaching your baby to sleep alone when you are under temporary, additional pressures (i.e., moving to a new home, extended family visiting, etc).

Speak With Everyone Involved

Make sure everyone is on the same page before you begin. This includes everyone in the household who helps with your infant’s care, such as extended relatives and babysitters. If everyone is not in agreement, the baby will become confused by the mixed expectations. This can result in a very arduous sleep-teaching process.

If one person is going to run to your baby the first time they whimper, then teaching your baby to sleep alone will not be successful.

In addition, if your baby is in daycare, speak with your childcare provider. It is important to ensure that the same teaching strategies are happening in all settings.

Establishing a Bedtime Routine

Human beings are creatures of habit — we learn by association. To help your baby learn how to sleep alone, you have to provide a routine. The routine should have the same steps in the same order at the same time for each sleep period ⁽⁵⁾.

This way, your baby learns that because X has happened, then Y is the logical next step ⁽⁶⁾.

While the traditional bedtime routine often includes a bath, dressing in pajamas, reading, and then sleeping, you don’t have to take these steps if they don’t work for you. The important thing is consistency rather than these specific steps or the order in which you take them.

However, the one thing you should incorporate into your baby’s bedtime routine is a peaceful environment.

Holding Your Baby Before Sleep

Many parents make the mistake of believing they should not hold or cuddle their baby before laying them down to sleep. Not so! I would always recommend that your baby spend some quiet time in a loved one’s arms before bed.

The important thing is not to rock or otherwise soothe your baby in an overtly physical way before they fall asleep. If you do, your baby will associate this rocking, rubbing, stroking, or other physical movements with sleep. They will then need this physical action in order to fall asleep.

Instead, feel free to hold your baby in your arms and enjoy a close cuddle, but make a clear distinction between this and the next step.

Laying Your Baby Down Before Sleep

This is a critical step when teaching your baby to sleep alone. The idea is for your baby to learn to fall asleep without you.

Don’t allow your baby to fall asleep in your arms or during a feed. Instead, lay your baby down in their crib while they are still awake.

Now, just to be difficult, there is yet more debate on when to do this.

Some advice says to put your baby down when they appear to be drowsy. That would be when your baby’s eyes are drooping and they appear to be almost asleep.

Other advice says they are too close to falling asleep at this stage and should be laid down to sleep when they are relaxed but still fully awake.

The only way to find out what works for your baby is to experiment. Some will prefer lying down while fairly wide awake, while others need to be sleepier.

Hitting the best stage of relaxation or sleepiness can become stressful. Instead, think of it as finding the stage where your baby is no longer showing an active interest in their surroundings.

When To Soothe Your Baby

What to do after you have laid your baby down to sleep is probably the most contentious point of teaching your baby to sleep alone.

In the past, parents were told to lay their baby down, close the door, and leave them to cry it out. Today, fewer people choose to use this technique, feeling that it is unkind to leave their baby to cry.

However, some crying is inevitable. After all, it is your baby’s way of communicating with you when they are unhappy. It is up to you, as an individual, to decide how much crying you are willing or able to accept ⁽⁷⁾.

If you go to your baby too quickly, they will not learn to sleep alone. If you leave your baby to cry for too long, they will become so distressed that sleep is difficult, if not impossible.

Waking in the night to briefly soothe your baby suddenly becomes more appealing than lying in bed, hearing them scream themselves to sleep at 3 a.m.

How To Soothe Your Baby

Soothing your baby can take many forms.

You may choose to stand out of sight while gently talking in a soothing voice to reassure your baby you are still there. Or you might use some of these steps:

• Go into your baby’s room.
• Lay them back down in their crib.
• Talk to them in a soothing voice.
• Rub their back, arms, legs, or feet for a moment.
• Turn on a night light.

Choose what works for you. Many people find that beginning with a more hands-on approach, progressing to hands-off, and then out of the room works well.

However you choose to soothe your child, be sure to do so with as little stimulation or interaction as possible. Keep sound, light, and movement to a minimum, and avoid eye contact whenever you can. Only pick your baby up as a last resort or if they are obviously upset beyond what is reasonable ⁽⁸⁾.

If you are happy with feeding your baby to sleep, that’s fine. You should continue to do so. However, that also means that now is not the time to teach your baby to sleep alone.

Stick With It

Don’t expect your baby to learn how to sleep alone in the first few days. While some caregivers may be lucky enough to experience this, most won’t. The process can take a few weeks for younger babies, but toddlers may need much longer to adjust.

Think about how hard it can be for anyone to learn new habits. Give yourself and your baby time to learn how to fall asleep alone. Once you have decided on a bedtime routine and how you will soothe your baby, stick with it.

Be Prepared To Adapt

While you should stick to your overall plan, don’t be afraid to admit it might need tweaking as you go along. The best plans are fluid. If you find that things are “kind of” working, be prepared to make small changes.

Other Tips for Teaching Your Baby To Sleep Alone

Remember to appreciate your baby for the individual they are. Just because something worked for your younger child or a friend’s baby doesn’t mean it will work for your baby.

That said, here are a few additional tips you may find helpful.

• Choose wisely when moving a baby to a toddler bed: If you have an older baby, consider teaching them how to sleep alone before they move into a toddler bed. Leaving a baby in their crib is way easier than trying to keep a toddler in their bed. For one of our children, we had to put a safety gate on their bedroom door to stop them from getting up and wandering unsupervised around the house in the middle of the night.

  I do not recommend transitioning to a toddler bed until a child is too large for the crib or repeatedly tries to climb out. Most infants do not learn to stand up while holding a crib rail until at least nine months old. Once this milestone is achieved, I recommend lowering the crib mattress to the lowest setting. Doing so usually gives parents about 12 months before transitioning to a toddler bed is necessary for safety reasons.

  

  Editor's Note:

  Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAP
• Be prepared for regression: During illness, a baby who previously fell asleep alone may return to needing you. This is also true during times of upheaval, such as moving into a new home or beginning day care.
• Make the room as inviting as possible, but don’t overdo it: Too many toys, decorations, and accessories can be overstimulating. They can also scare a small child who wakes in the dark and sees unexplained shapes. Think minimal but comforting.
• Nightlights or items that play gentle sounds should be used with caution: If they turn off on a timer, your baby may not be able to go back to sleep without them in the middle of the night. That said, many infants find white noise comforting, and it can facilitate self-soothing if they wake up at night.
• Baby monitors are a double-edged sword: They give you the comfort of seeing or hearing that your baby is okay, but you can find yourself rushing to your baby at the first sign of activity. Babies move a great deal throughout the night, and many make weird or wonderful noises. If you can’t see or hear any of these normal sleeping activities, you won’t mistakenly run to comfort a baby who does not need comforting. On the contrary, seeing a gently aroused but calm baby on a monitor can reassure parents that there is no need to rush in to provide comfort.