Social norms shift rapidly, so knowing the “right” thing to do isn’t always easy; baby showers are no exception.
There is nothing wrong with starting your own traditions. However, if you want to stick with established expectations, we are here to help.
Between us, we have attended dozens of baby showers. We have seen everything from at-home gatherings to “posh” venue parties, female-only circles, and mixed-gender barbecues.
Do not stress about making a faux pas. Follow our guide to modern baby shower etiquette, and you will remain blunder-free.
Key Takeaways
- Timing matters: Showers typically occur 6 weeks before the due date, but you should adjust this based on the mom-to-be’s energy levels.
- Hosting duties: Anyone can host, including friends, sisters, or the expectant mother’s mother; splitting costs among co-hosts is common.
- Inclusivity rules: Showers for second children (Sprinkles), adopted children, and co-ed guest lists are totally acceptable.
- Go digital: Virtual baby showers are excellent for long-distance families; just plan for time zones and tech support.
Baby Shower Etiquette: What You Should Know
Baby showers are a relatively modern invention. Most historians believe they began in the U.S. during the 1940s or 1950s, so they do not have deeply rooted ancient traditions. This gives you freedom. You can mix things up. Treat this as a guide to current norms rather than a strict rule book you must obey.
When Should You Have a Baby Shower?
Hosts usually hold showers roughly six weeks before the baby’s due date. This timing works well for specific reasons:
- Safety: The risk of miscarriage or medical complications has decreased significantly.
- Timing: A baby’s early arrival is less likely to ruin your plans.
- Comfort: The mom-to-be can enjoy the party before the end-of-pregnancy energy drain kicks in.
However, some cultures believe it is bad luck to buy anything for the baby or bring items into the home before the birth. Always ask the mom-to-be if she prefers a “Sip and See” event after the baby arrives instead.
Where Can You Host a Baby Shower?
Traditionally, showers take place at the host’s home. If you plan to hold the event at the expectant family’s house, you must arrange for a team to handle the cleanup. The new parents should not have to lift a finger.
Many people now hold showers outside the home. This makes the venue responsible for setup and cleaning. Popular modern options include pottery studios, tea rooms, or a spa for a mani-pedi party.
We have attended showers in hotels, restaurants, church halls, and parks. We even went to one in a corporate conference room. The location does not matter as long as guests can get there and feel comfortable. When in doubt, a home environment is usually the most relaxed option.
Who Should Host the Baby Shower?
Decades ago, etiquette dictated that immediate family members should not host. People worried it looked like the family was “fishing for gifts.” That rule is now obsolete.
Today, a friend, sister, grandmother, or cousin can host without judgment. While the host usually organizes the event, they do not have to bear the full cost alone. It is perfectly reasonable to ask close friends or family to co-host and split the financial responsibility.
Whom Should You Invite to a Baby Shower?
Showers are rarely surprise events, so ask the guest of honor for her input. It is never against etiquette to ask the mom-to-be who she wants (or definitely does not want) on the list.
Visualize the guest list in circles. Start with the people closest to the parents, then work outward until you hit your venue’s capacity. If the mom explicitly asks you to exclude someone, honor that request. Ignoring her wishes is bad form, even if you find the exclusion awkward.
Can Men Attend Baby Showers?
Yes, absolutely. “Jack and Jill” or co-ed showers are becoming the standard for many modern families. Dads want to be involved in the celebration, too.
If you invite men, adjust the theme and activities. Traditional games like “guess the belly size” might make some guests uncomfortable. Opt for a casual BBQ or a cocktail party vibe, and ensure the invitation clearly states that partners are welcome.
Can You Have a Baby Shower for a Second Child?
Yes, but the scope usually changes. While a massive event with a full registry isn’t the norm for subsequent children, a “Baby Sprinkle” is a great alternative.
A Sprinkle is a lighter, more casual version of a shower. The focus shifts from gifting expensive gear to celebrating the new life. Gifts are usually smaller essentials like diapers, wipes, or outfits rather than cribs and strollers.
Can You Have a Baby Shower If Adopting or Fostering?
Yes. Adopted and foster children are as much a part of the family as biological children. They deserve to be celebrated.
The timeline is the only major difference. You might need to hold the shower closer to the adoption date or even after the child arrives.
For foster families, placements can happen at short notice. It isn’t always practical to plan a traditional shower months in advance. A “stock the nursery” party is a fabulous idea when a family gets certified to foster. This ensures they have supplies ready for whoever arrives.
Should You Have Alcohol at a Baby Shower?
Opinions are divided here. Some feel that since the mom-to-be cannot drink, guests should abstain in solidarity. Others think a glass of champagne adds to the celebration.
A mimosa bar is a popular middle ground. Offer champagne for the guests and sparkling cider or fancy mocktails for the mom-to-be. Just remember that alcohol and active party games can be a risky mix.
Is it Rude to Put Registry Info on the Invitation?
Old-school etiquette says you should never include registry information directly on the invitation because it looks like a demand for gifts. However, modern guests actually prefer the convenience.
The best compromise is to include the registry details on a separate enclosure card inside the envelope, or simply link to a baby shower website where the registry is listed. This keeps the main invitation clean and classy.
Must You Open Your Gifts in Front of Guests?
This is the most debated topic in shower history. Some guests love seeing the tiny baby clothes. Others find the process long and boring.
If the guest list is large (over 20 people), opening gifts can take hours. A “Display Shower” is a modern solution. Ask guests to bring gifts unwrapped (or in clear cellophane) and display them on a table for everyone to see. This allows the mom-to-be to mingle rather than sit in a chair for two hours.
When and How Do I Send Thank You Cards?
Send physical thank-you notes within two to three weeks of the shower. If the baby arrives early, you have a grace period of about two months.
While text messages are easy, a handwritten note is still the gold standard for baby shower etiquette. Top tip: Address the envelopes before the party starts. Then you only need to write the personal message, making the task much less daunting.
How to Host a Virtual Baby Shower
Families are scattered across the globe, making virtual showers increasingly popular. They allow you to include loved ones who cannot travel. Plus, guests can save their travel budget for visiting after the baby is born.
Here is how to host a successful virtual event:
- Check the clock: Verify local time zones for all key guests. Choose a slot that works for everyone.
- Tech support: Create a quick “how-to” guide for older relatives. Ask if anyone needs a test run before the big day.
- Buddy system: If a guest is uncomfortable with technology, pair them with a tech-savvy relative who can host them in person.
- Keep it short: Virtual attention spans are short. Set a timetable and stick to it.
- Upgrade the platform: Free versions of Zoom often have 40-minute limits. Splurge for the paid version or use a platform without time caps.
- Send a care package: Mail a small box to each guest beforehand. Include decorations, game props, or non-perishable snacks so everyone shares a physical experience.
- Manage the gifts: Decide if guests should ship gifts to the mom beforehand to open on camera, or if you will skip the public opening entirely.
Have Fun!
Wanting to do the “right” thing is understandable. Nobody wants to be the person who ruins the vibe or insults the host.
However, try not to fret. Read through these guidelines, take a deep breath, and relax. The most important part of any shower is making the new parents feel loved and supported.
If something does go “wrong,” just laugh it off. Tell everyone you are a trendsetter establishing new traditions. They will likely follow your lead next time anyway.
