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70 Squirrel Jokes and Puns to Drive You Nuts

By Beth McCallum
Updated
Looking for a laugh that will drive your friends a little nutty?

Squirreling around for jokes that will make your friends and family go nutty? You have come to the right tree.

I rounded up 70 of the best squirrel jokes and puns and sorted them into dad jokes, quick one-liners, nut puns, and gags for kids. There is something here for every kind of giggle, whether you want a fast zinger or a groan-worthy pun to spring at the dinner table.

So burrow down, take a crack at these a-corny favorites, and find the one that lands.

In This Article

Squirrel Dad Jokes

Dads, this is your moment. These squirrel jokes sit somewhere between hilarious and cringey, which is exactly the point. Read a few out loud and watch your kids groan.

  1. Where do old squirrels live?
    In the Elder-tree retirement home.
  2. What did the tree say to the squirrel?
    “Just leaf me alone!”
  3. Where do squirrels go to learn?
    Elemen-tree school.
  4. What do you call a fight between squirrels?
    A squarrel.
  5. What did the father squirrel tell his family?
    Acorny joke.
  6. How long does it take for a crow to eat a dead squirrel on the road?
    It depends on the traffic.
  7. What’s the name of a squirrel who solves crimes?
    Squirrel-lock Holmes.
  8. Why do squirrels make such good sailors?
    Because they are row-dents.
  9. Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
    He was foraging checks.
  10. What does a dog say after chasing a squirrel up a tree?
    Bark.
  11. What do you call a female squirrel?
    A girrel.
  12. Cigarettes are like squirrels. They’re completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
  13. Which squirrels make the best heroes?
    Flying squirrels.
  14. Why don’t people like it when squirrels chew things?
    It’s a-gnaw-ing.
  15. How did the squirrel impress his date?
    He went out on a limb.
  16. Where do squirrels go on holiday?
    Beech trees.
  17. What did the squirrel wear on its feet?
    Ca-shews.

Funny One-Liners About Squirrels

No setup or punchline required here. These squirrel one-liners work as quick, standalone quips you can drop into almost any conversation, and they tend to land before you even finish the sentence.

  1. Squirrels are always collecting acorns. They’re completely nuts.
  2. I saw a squirrel in charge of the bank. They called him a branch manager.
  3. Merry Christmas. Let’s sing some Christmas squirrels.
  4. I went out to the field to measure squirrels. I got in trouble for critter-sizing.
  5. I wanted to catch a squirrel, but I didn’t know how. So I climbed a tree and acted like a nut.
  6. I’ve been trying to come up with a few squirrel puns to make you laugh, but they’re all too nutty.
  7. Squirrels have a habit of storing food in winter. Isn’t that nuts?
  8. Squirrels are great at explaining things because they give it to you in a nutshell.
  9. Those two squirrels are hibernating together. They must be hiber-mates.
  10. Squirrels that go to space are astro-nuts.
  11. It’s a bad idea to work for squirrels. They pay peanuts.
  12. It’s nuts that squirrels store food for winter.
  13. Did you hear about the new squirrel diet? It’s just nuts.
  14. A wise squirrel once said, “You are what you eat.” He was nuts.
  15. I saw a squirrel this morning cycling through the park. I didn’t know they could ride bikes.
  16. A man was arrested today for feeding the squirrels in the park. He was feeding them to his dog.

Squirrel Nut Puns

Squirrels and nuts belong together, so a lot of this wordplay writes itself. Here are 20 of the best squirrel puns built around nuts, from breakfast cereal to the Nutcracker. There are no squirrel knock-knock jokes in the bunch, but these punny lines more than make up for it.

  1. What do squirrels eat for breakfast?
    Crunchy nut cornflakes.
  2. Why did the squirrel take her car apart?
    She wanted to see the nuts and bolts.
  3. What is a squirrel’s favorite ballet?
    The Nutcracker.
  4. What do squirrels watch on TV?
    Nut-flix.
  5. Why do squirrels swim on their back?
    To keep their nuts dry.
  6. Why didn’t the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
    It was a tough nut to crack.
  7. What is a squirrel’s favorite seasoning?
    Nutmeg.
  8. What is a squirrel’s favorite sandwich filling?
    Nutella.
  9. What did the squirrel say when it lost its food?
    “Aw, nuts!”
  10. What do you call a food advisor for squirrels?
    A nut-tritionist.
  11. What do squirrels do in their free time?
    Surf the inter-nut.
  12. What is a squirrel’s internet called?
    The nut-work.
  13. What did one squirrel say to the other when he was talking too loud?
    “You’re driving me nuts!”
  14. What smells like nuts but is impossible to see?
    Squirrel farts.
  15. What did the squirrel say when he was late for work?
    “I’m so sorry, but the traffic was nuts.”
  16. Why did the squirrel put chocolate on an acorn?
    He wanted a coco-nut.
  17. What is a squirrel’s least favorite flower?
    Forget-me-nuts.
  18. Why do squirrels sit on telephone poles?
    To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
  19. What did one squirrel say to the other when they went to the cinema?
    “I love our dates, and I’m nuts about you.”
  20. What did one squirrel say to the other when he caught him hiding his acorns?
    “You saw nutting!”

Squirrel Jokes for Kids

Most of the jokes above already work for kids, but these 17 are the easiest for little ones to follow. They are simple, silly, and made for a giggle at home or a joke to trade at school.

  1. What do you get when you cross a squirrel with a kite?
    A flying squirrel.
  2. Where do flying squirrels end up during hurricanes?
    It depends on which way the wind blows.
  3. What is a squirrel’s favorite number?
    Tree.
  4. What kind of stories do squirrels like?
    Long tails.
  5. Why did the squirrel hibernate?
    It was too cool to stay awake.
  6. Why did the chicken stay off school?
    It had squirrel pox.
  7. Why are so many squirrels rich?
    They are good at squirreling away their money.
  8. Why did the squirrel pay the dentist one dollar?
    To get buck teeth.
  9. Why was the squirrel in trouble for chewing furniture?
    It was being gnaw-ty.
  10. What’s a squirrel’s favorite musical?
    Into the Woods.
  11. What did the squirrel’s family say after he came back from the cinema?
    “Tail us all about it!”
  12. Why did the squirrel rub a twig over her mouth?
    She was using lip-stick.
  13. What do you call a squirrel with four sides?
    A square-el.
  14. How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Two, but how they learned that is the real mystery.
  15. Why didn’t the squirrel hibernate?
    It was too hiber-late.
  16. What Hogwarts professor has fur and stutters?
    Professor Squirrel.
  17. Why was the squirrel’s fur messy?
    He was having a tuft hair day.

Frequently Asked Questions

What Is the Funniest Squirrel Joke?

The funniest squirrel joke is a matter of taste, but a reliable crowd-pleaser is “What do you call a fight between two squirrels? A squarrel.” It works because the pun is short, clean, and easy to repeat. Dad jokes like “What did the tree say to the squirrel? Just leaf me alone” pull a big groan every time too.

Are Squirrel Jokes Good for Kids?

Yes, squirrel jokes are great for kids because most of them rely on simple wordplay around nuts, trees, and tails. This list includes 17 jokes written specifically for younger kids, such as “What is a squirrel’s favorite number? Tree.” They are clean, easy to understand, and short enough for a child to memorize and retell at school.

How Do You Make a Good Squirrel Pun?

A good squirrel pun starts with a word squirrels are known for, then drops it into a familiar phrase. Nut, acorn, tree, tail, and gnaw are the most useful building blocks. For example, “nuts” becomes “astro-nuts,” “internet” becomes “inter-nut,” and “leave me alone” becomes “leaf me alone.” The closer the sound, the bigger the groan.

What Are the Best Squirrel Puns About Nuts?

The best squirrel puns about nuts twist everyday phrases. Popular picks include “What do squirrels watch on TV? Nut-flix,” “What is a squirrel’s favorite ballet? The Nutcracker,” and “What do you call a food advisor for squirrels? A nut-tritionist.” This list gathers 20 nut puns in one spot so you can find a favorite fast.

Where Can You Use Squirrel Jokes?

You can use squirrel jokes almost anywhere you want a light laugh, including lunchbox notes, birthday cards, classroom ice-breakers, and long car rides. Short one-liners work well in text messages, while the question-and-answer jokes are easy to read aloud. Save the groan-worthy dad jokes for the adults and hand the simple ones to the kids.

Are There Any Squirrel Knock-Knock Jokes?

There are no widely shared squirrel knock-knock jokes, so this list skips them in favor of puns and one-liners that land better. Squirrel humor leans hard on wordplay around nuts, trees, and tails, which suits the pun format far more naturally than the knock-knock setup. You will find 70 of those jokes in the sections above.

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Headshot of Beth McCallum

About the Author

Beth McCallum

Beth McCallum is a Scottish freelance writer & book blogger with a degree in creative writing, journalism and English literature. She is a mum to a young boy, and believes that it truly takes a village. When she’s not parenting, writing about parenting, or working, she can be found reading, working on her novel, taking photos, playing board games or wandering through the countryside with her family.

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