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70 Squirrel Jokes & Puns: That Will Drive You Nuts

By Beth McCallum
Updated
Burrow down with these jokes about squirrels, guaranteed to make your day nuttier.
Cute squirrel on the tree in autumn park

Are you squirreling around looking for some hilarious jokes to make your friends and family go nutty? You’ve come to the right place.

I’ve searched high and low for the best squirrel jokes and puns that you can share with others. Whether you want funny one-liners or your daily dose of dad humor, I’ve got 70 puns you can take a crack at.

So, burrow down and have a read through these a-corny giggles.

Table of Contents

Squirrel Dad Jokes

Squirrel Dad Jokes Icon

Dads — it’s your time to shine. These squirrel jokes are equally hilarious and cringy. So go on. Drive your kids nuts.

  1. Where do old squirrels live?
    In the Elder-tree retirement home.
  2. What did the tree say to the squirrel?
    “Just leaf me alone!”
  3. Where do squirrels go to learn?
    Elemen-tree school.
  4. What do you call a fight between squirrels?
    A squarrel.
  5. What did the father squirrel tell his family?
    Acorny joke.
  6. How long does it take for a crow to eat a dead squirrel on the road?
    It depends on the traffic.
  7. What’s the name of a squirrel who solves crimes?
    Squirrel-lock Holmes.
  8. Why do squirrels make such good sailors?
    Because they are row-dents.
  9. Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
    He was foraging checks.
  10. What does a dog say after chasing a squirrel up a tree?
    Bark.
  11. What do you call a female squirrel?
    A girrel.
  12. Cigarettes are like squirrels. They’re completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
  13. Which squirrels make the best heroes?
    Flying squirrels.
  14. Why don’t people like it when squirrels chew things?
    It’s a-gnaw-ing.
  15. How did the squirrel impress his date?
    He went out on a limb.
  16. Where do squirrels go on holiday?
    Beech trees.
  17. What did the squirrel wear on its feet?
    Ca-shews.

Funny One-Liners About Squirrels

Funny One-Liners About Squirrels Icon

These humorous sayings don’t require a question-and-answer format. Simply surprise your friends and family with these silly one-liners; before you know it, they’ll be cracking up.

  1. Squirrels are always collecting acorns. They’re completely nuts.
  2. I saw a squirrel in charge of the bank. They called him a branch manager.
  3. Merry Christmas. Let’s sing some Christmas squirrels.
  4. I went out to the field to measure squirrels. I got in trouble for critter-sizing.
  5. I wanted to catch a squirrel, but I didn’t know how. So I climbed a tree and acted like a nut.
  6. I’ve been trying to come up with a few squirrel puns to make you laugh, but they’re all too nutty.
  7. Squirrels have a habit of storing food in winter. Isn’t that nuts?
  8. Squirrels are great at explaining things because they give it to you in a nutshell.
  9. Those two squirrels are hibernating together. They must be hiber-mates.
  10. Squirrels that go to space are astro-nuts.
  11. It’s a bad idea to work for squirrels. They pay peanuts.
  12. It’s nuts that squirrels store food for winter.
  13. Did you hear about the new squirrel diet? It’s just nuts.
  14. A wise squirrel once said, “You are what you eat.” He was nuts.
  15. I saw a squirrel this morning cycling through the park. I didn’t know they could ride bikes.
  16. A man was arrested today for feeding the squirrels in the park. He was feeding them to his dog.

Squirrel Nut Puns

Squirrel Nut Puns Icon

Here is a list of the 20 best squirrel puns about nuts. While I couldn’t find any squirrel knock-knock jokes, these jokes that play on words are even funnier.

  1. What do squirrels eat for breakfast?
    Crunchy nut cornflakes.
  2. Why did the squirrel take her car apart?
    She wanted to see the nuts and bolts.
  3. What is a squirrel’s favorite ballet?
    The Nutcracker.
  4. What do squirrels watch on TV?
    Nut-flix.
  5. Why do squirrels swim on their back?
    To keep their nuts dry.
  6. Why didn’t the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
    It was a tough nut to crack.
  7. What is a squirrel’s favorite seasoning?
    Nutmeg.
  8. What is a squirrel’s favorite sandwich filling?
    Nutella.
  9. What did the squirrel say when it lost its food?
    “Aw, nuts!”
  10. What do you call a food advisor for squirrels?
    A nut-tritionist.
  11. What do squirrels do in their free time?
    Surf the inter-nut.
  12. What is a squirrel’s internet called?
    The nut-work.
  13. What did one squirrel say to the other when he was talking too loud?
    “You’re driving me nuts!”
  14. What smells like nuts but is impossible to see?
    Squirrel farts.
  15. What did the squirrel say when he was late for work?
    “I’m so sorry, but the traffic was nuts.”
  16. Why did the squirrel put chocolate on an acorn?
    He wanted a coco-nut.
  17. What is a squirrel’s least favorite flower?
    Forget-me-nuts.
  18. Why do squirrels sit on telephone poles?
    To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
  19. What did one squirrel say to the other when they went to the cinema?
    “I love our dates, and I’m nuts about you.”
  20. What did one squirrel say to the other when he caught him hiding his acorns?
    “You saw nutting!”

Squirrel Jokes for Kids

Squirrel Jokes for Kids Icon

While most of the jokes on this list are kid-friendly, here are 17 that are easier for kids to understand. So, if you want to make your little ones laugh or they want squirrel-y jokes they can share at school, check these out.

  1. What do you get when you cross a squirrel with a kite?
    A flying squirrel.
  2. Where do flying squirrels end up during hurricanes?
    It depends on which way the wind blows.
  3. What is a squirrel’s favorite number?
    Tree.
  4. What kind of stories do squirrels like?
    Long tails.
  5. Why did the squirrel hibernate?
    It was too cool to stay awake.
  6. Why did the chicken stay off school?
    It had squirrel pox.
  7. Why are so many squirrels rich?
    They are good at squirreling away their money.
  8. Why did the squirrel pay the dentist one dollar?
    To get buck teeth.
  9. Why was the squirrel in trouble for chewing furniture?
    It was being gnaw-ty.
  10. What’s a squirrel’s favorite musical?
    Into the Woods.
  11. What did the squirrel’s family say after he came back from the cinema?
    “Tail us all about it!”
  12. Why did the squirrel rub a twig over her mouth?
    She was using lip-stick.
  13. What do you call a squirrel with four sides?
    A square-el.
  14. How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Two, but how they learned that is the real mystery.
  15. Why didn’t the squirrel hibernate?
    It was too hiber-late.
  16. What Hogwarts professor has fur and stutters?
    Professor Squirrel.
  17. Why was the squirrel’s fur messy?
    He was having a tuft hair day.
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Headshot of Beth McCallum

About the Author

Beth McCallum

Beth McCallum is a Scottish freelance writer & book blogger with a degree in creative writing, journalism and English literature. She is a mum to a young boy, and believes that it truly takes a village. When she’s not parenting, writing about parenting, or working, she can be found reading, working on her novel, taking photos, playing board games or wandering through the countryside with her family.

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