Ahoy, mateys! We’re about to fire a cannon of laughter with these 80 pirate jokes and one-liners!
Whether you’re a lad or a lassie, sink into these funny jokes for kids, corny pirate puns, and famous pirate sayings. You may be an old salt or a wee scallywag to pirate humor, but it’s never too late to learn the lingo.
So, hoist your sails and embark on a journey of kid-appropriate giggles!
Funny Pirate Jokes for Kids
If your wee lass or lad wants to avoid walking the plank, they may need some pirate humor up their sleeves! These 17 family-friendly jokes are t-arrrrr-ific for kids!
- Where did the pirate purchase his hook?
At the second-hand store. - Have you heard any good pirate jokes?
Neither have ayeeee. - What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?
The plank. - Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they arrrrr. - Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C. - Why do pirates love Beyonce?
Because she is the queen of Arr and B! - I’m pretty sure my algebra teacher is secretly a pirate.
He is constantly trying to find X. - How do pirates communicate?
Aye to aye! - Why does the pirate carry his sword?
Because swords can’t walk. Duh. - Why did the pirate buy an eye patch?
Because he couldn’t afford an iPad. - Why are baboons a pirate’s favorite monkey sidekick?
They always have a lot of booty! - Why did the pirate always reminisce on stories of his youth?
Those were his most treasured memories. - Why are pirates so selfish?
All they Caribbean about is finding treasure! - What did Blackbeard say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey. - Why did you join a band of pirates?
Pier pressure. - Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
Because he was standing on the deck. - What do you call a selfish pirate?
Extremely arrrr-ogant.
Silly Pirate Dad Jokes
What do pirates and dads have in common? They’re both kings of corny humor! That’s why these 17 dad jokes are p-aaaaarfect for making your kiddos laugh! These clean jokes are great for kindergarteners, middle schoolers, and everyone in between.
- Why did the pirate divorce his wife?
They were arrrrguing too much. - When do pirates eat cake?
When they reach dessert island. - What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A pumpkin patch. - What did the first mate see down the toilet?
The Captain’s log! - What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot. - Do you know how much a hook and a peg costs a pirate?
An arm and a leg. - Why do pirates like going to the optometrist?
They always get to do an aye exam. - What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
St-arrrrr-ve. - What’s the name of a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
Robin Hook. - What’s a pirate’s favorite doll?
B-aaaaar-bie. - What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
I, I, R, and the seven C’s. - Why do pirates admire Picasso?
They love good arrr-t. - What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
‘P’ because it’s like Arrrr, but missing a leg. - What do you call a pirate obsessed with drinking seawater?
An aqua-holic. - What do you call a pirate with no arms and no legs?
An expert pirate. - What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a song?
The hook! - What do you call a pirate who skips class?
Captain Hooky.
Fun Pirate Knock-Knock Jokes
I wish there were more pirate knock-knock jokes across the seas! They’re a treasure trove of cute giggles and perfect for sharing at your pirate-themed birthday party. While we don’t have many to share, I’ve compiled a list of 10 comical ones.
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Garden.
Garden who?
I’m garden the treasure! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Scally.
Scally who?
Scallywag! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate!
Interrupting pi—
ARRRRRRR! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Turner.
Turner who?
Turner round, there’s a pirate behind you! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ah.
Ah who?
No, it’s pronounced ahoy! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arrr.
Arrr who?Arr matey! Open the door and let me in, or I’ll make you walk the plank. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pirate.
Pirate who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pirate.
Pirate who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pirate.
Pirate who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Island.
Island who?
Island you glad I didn’t say “pirate” again? - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Yo ho!
Yo ho who?
Yo ho, yo ho, it’s a pirate’s life for me! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ship.Ship who?
Ship ahoy, matey! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Treasure.
Treasure who?
Treasure ye memories of our pirate adventures at sea.
Corny Pirate Puns
These pirate phrases are great for adults and adults! They may be stupid, but they’ll have you laughing ‘arr’ day long! You can use them to caption memes or make the kids laugh at your pirate party.
- I like big booty, and I cannot lie!
- I’m a pirate at sea! It’s a plunderful life for me.
- I’m as sweet as pie-rate.
- We’ve arrrr-ived.
- The high seas are where me heart-y is.
- We’re in ship-shape and ready to sail.
- Hooked on treasure hunting.
- We set sail at the kraken of dawn.
- How arrrrr you?
- All swashbuckled up with no place to go.
- Pirates don’t need vacations. They get all the Arr and Arr they need at work!
- Can you pass the ma-yo-ho-ho?
- Retired pirates love yoga because of all the ex-sailing.
- When it comes to a good deal, I’m like a pirate. I always buy things on sail.
- You can abso-loot-ley trust me with the treasure map.
- Golfing like a pirate today. Always under parrrr.
Fun Pirate Riddles and Sayings
Riddle me this, mateys! Dive into fun pirate riddles and sayings that’ll test your wit and tickle your funny bone! Whether you’re looking for a brain teaser or a great pirate quote, you’ve landed in the right spot!
- How do you make a pirate angry?
Take away the ‘P’, and he becomes irate. - If you are a pirate
And you get into a fight
You might need to wear this
If you lose half your sight
Answer: Eyepatch - Batten down the hatches: Tying down everything on a ship to prepare for a storm.
- Heave to: Stop!
- Shiver me timbers: This expresses shock or surprise.
- What has three feet, three hands, and three eyes?
Two pirates. - A ship drops this to stay still
Even if the water’s calm
It is also a tattoo
You can see on Popeye’s arm
Answer: Anchor. - Dead men tell no tales: Dead people won’t betray secrets; it’s used as a threat.
- Run a shot across the bow: A warning shot given to another boat’s captain.
- “The rougher the seas, the smoother we sail.”
- What wears an eyepatch and robs ships at night?
A vampirate. - When looking for buried gold
This item helps a lot
As on this piece of paper
Is where X marks the spot
Answer: Treasure map. - Walk the plank: A demand to make someone walk off a wooden board into the sea.
- Strike colors: Lower a ship’s flag in surrender.
- “It is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King.”
- Where do you take a sick pirate ship?
To the dock! - Avast ye: A command to pay attention.
- Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen: An order to pull the anchor and set sail.
- No prey, no pay: The crew received no wages, but they got their share of the bounty.
- Sail-Ho: Another ship has come into view.
