Ducks, with their cute bills, quirky quacks, and waddling ways, have inspired countless laughs. And you’ve just landed on the ultimate list of duck jokes and puns – each carefully curated for maximum humor, whether for kids or adults.
So, if you’ve been on a hunt for the funniest duck jokes, quotes, and sayings, don’t duck out now.
Let’s make sure your humor takes flight and your spirits soar sky-high. Trust us, by the end, you’ll be quacking up with every joke!
Funny Duck Jokes for Kids
Looking for duck jokes that your kids and their friends will understand? Here are 15 child-friendly laughs to test out.
- What do you call a duck that steals?
A robber duck.
- What’s a duck’s favorite ballet?
- What’s a duck’s favorite part of the news?
The feather forecast.
- What time does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
- How do ducks propose?
With a wedding wing.
- What is a duck’s favorite snack at a baseball game?
- What state do most ducks live in?
North and South Duck-ota.
- What do you see when ducks bend over?
- Which side of a duck has the nicest feathers?
- Where do sick ducks go?
- What’s a duck’s favorite animal?
- What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
- Why couldn’t the ducks travel to another country?
They didn’t have the right duck-uments.
- Why was the duck destined for a life of crime?
Because he came from a rotten egg.
- What did the detective duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
Corny Dad Duck Jokes
When your kids say, “Tell me a joke,” you now have 15 funny dad jokes to share with them, all about ducks.
- What does a duck wear to a fancy event?
- Why do ducks fly south for winter?
It’s too far to waddle.
- Why was the duck named “the class clown”?
He was always quackin’ jokes in class.
- What movies do ducks like to watch?
- After a long day of duck hunting, I was famished. So I sat down, put my feet up, and had my favorite snack: cheese and quackers.
- What do you call a ghost duck?
- What’s a duck’s dream career?
- What do ducks carry their school books in?
- What did the flying golf ball yell to the mallards in the pond?
- What do ducks like to eat with soup?
- What’s a duck’s favorite type of dip?
- What do you call an intelligent duck?
A clever quacker.
- What do you call a kind and successful duck?
A waddle citizen.
- Where do tough ducks come from?
- Why do ducks lay eggs?
They would crack if they just dropped them.
Cute Duck One-Liners
These short duck phrases are great for breaking the ice with friends or using them as an Instagram caption when posting duck memes online. Face the hilarity with these 12 sayings.
- A roast duck is bad for your health. Especially when you’re the duck.
- When the waitress took the duck’s order at a restaurant, the duck said, “Just put it on my bill!”
- The ducks had a movie night last night. They watched Lord of the Wings.
- Like feather, like son.
- Ducks are so cute. Waddle I do without them?
- If Donald throws a ball at you, duck.
- Ducks aren’t good cooks. Everything they make is fowl.
- The robber ducky stole the soap, so she was arrested in a fowl case.
- Did you hear about the duck who went to jail? He was selling quack.
- It’s raining ducks and chickens! It’s absolutely fowl weather.
- The Buddhist duck visited the mo-nest-ry every day.
- The duck on the 20th floor wanted a pair of binoculars to get a bird’s eye view.
Duck Walks Into a Bar Jokes
What would happen if a duck walked into a bar? In the real world, it would probably be a disaster. But in joke-world, it makes for a good ‘ol laugh. Here are five jokes about ducks walking into a bar.
- A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Got any quackers?”
The bartender says, “Crackers?”
The duck nods.
“Nope,” the bartender says. “Just beer and spirits.”
“Okay,” the duck says before walking out of the bar.
The next day, the duck returns to the bar. He waddles up to the bartender and asks, “Have you got any quackers?”
“No,” the bartender says, “Like I said, I can make you a drink.”
“No, thank you,” says the duck.
The next day, the duck returns, asking for more crackers. The answer is still no.
The next day, he returns, and this time, the bartender says, “We don’t have any crackers. If you come here again asking for crackers, I’ll staple your bill to the bar.”
“Okay, I’m leaving!” says the duck.
The next day, the duck comes back. He goes up to the bartender and asks, “You got any staples?”
The bartender says, “No, I don’t have any staples!”
The duck looks at him and says, “Okay. So you got any quackers?”
- A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink and a sandwich. The bartender is stunned.
“You can talk?”
“How observant of you,” says the duck. “And I can also pay, so don’t worry.”
“What brings you to a bar like this?” asks the bartender.
Frustrated, the duck responds, “If you must know, I work on the construction site across the street. And I’d like to eat my lunch in peace.”
The bartender leaves him alone. Every day, the duck comes in, orders his lunch, and eats quietly.
On Saturday, a circus ringleader dressed in costume comes into the bar and strikes up a conversation with the bartender, who mentions the talking duck. “If you see this duck again,” says the ringleader, “Tell him to find me at the circus, and I’ll pay whatever he asks. With his talent, my show would be world-renowned.”
On Monday, the duck returned to the bar, ordered his usual, and sat down to eat. The bartender asked if he could borrow a minute of his time. Reluctantly, the duck agrees.
“I may have an incredible opportunity for you. A circus ringleader came in here on Saturday and said he would pay whatever you ask if you’d showcase your talent for his audience.”
The duck was quiet for a moment before responding, “A circus ring leader? What on earth would he want with a plasterer?”
- A duck walks into a bar. The barman shouts, “Duck!”
But it’s too late. The duck had already hit his head on the bar.
- A duck walks into a bar after a day of hunting.
Bartender says, “You look down.”
The duck replies, “Yeah, people kept taking shots at me!”
- A duck strolls into a bar and orders a drink.
Bartender asks, “How will you pay?”
Duck says, “Just put it on my bill.”
Short Duck Puns
If you need something short and sweet to make your friends quack up with laughter, here are 15 quick duck puns.
- What do you get when you mix ducks with fireworks?
- Why did the duck get a second job?
He had too many bills.
- What’s a duckling’s favorite game?
- What’s a chick’s favorite drink?
- What languages do ducks speak when they talk to geese?
- What does a duck dress up as on Halloween?
- Why do spiders like ducks?
They like their webbed feet.
- How do ducks talk?
- Why do ducks quack?
Because they can’t moo, bark, or neigh.
- Why can’t ducks drive?
Their windshields are always quacked.
- Why did the duck get detention?
He couldn’t stop quackin’ jokes in class.
- How can you tell rubber ducks apart?
You can’t. They look egg-xactly the same!
- What do you call religious ducks?
Birds of Pray.
- Why did the duck get Employee of the Month?
Because he was always pro-duck-tive.
- What news did the duck get from the doctor?
He had a perfect bill of health.