There’s nothing like a good giggle to build friendships and strengthen bonds (1). Whether it’s at home, at school, or anywhere in between, jokes are a simple way to share happiness with others.
However, kids can unwittingly find themselves telling jokes that are inappropriate for their age or unintentionally offensive. To help your child avoid this, we’ve put together a list of parent-approved funny jokes for kids that you can feel comfortable with them sharing.
Silly Jokes for Kids
For some people, good humor is all about being silly. Whether it’s simplistic humor, anti-jokes, or just plain ridiculousness, silly jokes for kids can hit the spot wherever your kids are and regardless of who they are with.
The downside to silly jokes and anti-jokes is that they can fall flat with the wrong audience (2). So, if your child is the sensitive type, steer them away from this category.
- What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?
- How do you confuse someone?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.
- What’s white and ruins your dinner?
- What’s red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
- How do you turn a soup to gold?
Add 24 carrots.
- What looks like a tree, and has wheels?
A tree, I lied about the wheels.
- What did one stranger say to the other?
Nothing, they were strangers who didn’t know each other.
- What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
- Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
- Why were there more birds flying on one side of the V formation than the other? Because the other side had fewer birds.
- Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
- What did the doctor say when she lost her scalpel?
I’ve lost my scalpel.
- How do you make a lemon drop?
Let go of it.
- A proton, an electron, and an ion went into a restaurant.
But nobody noticed because all three are microscopic.
- What’s brown and sticky?
- Why didn’t the dinosaur eat the baby?
Because dinosaurs became extinct before humans existed.
- What’s red and bad for your teeth?
- What goes black and white, black and white, black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
- What does the irate Spanish tourist say to the steward on their plane?
I don’t know. I don’t speak Spanish.
- A man walks into a bar with a gorilla.
The barman asks him to leave because they serve food and are not legally allowed to have animals in the establishment.
- Why do scuba divers fall backward off the boat?
Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.
- What do you call a fly with no wings?
- Where do frogs keep their money?
In a riverbank.
- Why can’t a pig keep a secret?
Because they always end up squealing.
- What did Tarzan say when he saw the herd of hippos?
Look, a herd of hippos.
- Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
- What do you call a cow with no eyes?
A cow, the absence of eyes does not change the fact that it is a cow.
- How long is a football field?
Half the length of two football fields.
- What kind of tree can you hold in your hand?
A small one.
- Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.
- What’s yellow and something you shouldn’t drink?
A school bus.
- Why did the dog vomit on the bed?
Because it was sick.
- What did the policeman say when the criminal got away?
That criminal got away.
- Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
Because after you have found it, there would be no point in continuing to look for it.
- What do you call a droid that goes the long way round?
- How much do piercings cost pirates?
A buck n ear.
- Why is a squirrel like a cup of coffee?
Neither has a headphone jack.
School Jokes For Kids
Kids can bond over shared experiences, and nothing is more likely to provide a bonding experience than school.
These school jokes are all inoffensive enough for any child to share with their friends, and, because none of them take a shot at educators, you won’t have to worry about the teacher overhearing them.
- How do bees get to school?
By school buzz.
- What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
Pick them up and roll them back.
- Why did the teacher draw on the window?
Because they wanted the lesson to be very clear.
- What happened when the teacher tied every kids’ shoelaces together?
They had a class trip.
- Why did the Cyclops close his school?
Because he only had one pupil.
- When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
When it is read.
- What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?
- Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I’m paying as little attention as I can.
- Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting?
Pupil: I used his pen.
- A boy was told to write a 100-word essay.
He thought for a bit then wrote: ‘I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called ‘kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty…’
- Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
Because she sprained her angle.
- Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you.
- What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
Animal Jokes for Kids
Animal jokes are fabulous for younger children. They do not need much in the way of life experience or natural history knowledge to appreciate the humor. Most of these jokes are easy to remember and retell, making them great first jokes for your budding comedian.
- What do you call an exploding monkey?
- What sport do horses like to play?
- What kind of snake would you find on a car?
A windshield viper.
- What do you call a pig who is never fun to hang out with?
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
- Why don’t leopards play hide and seek?
Because they’re always spotted.
- Where did the sheep go on vacation?
- What do you call a monkey with a banana in both his ears?
Anything you want, it can’t hear you.
- How does a dog stop his YouTube?
It presses the paws button.
- Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
- What is the snake’s favorite subject?
- What’s the name of the movie starring a pig and a dinosaur?
- How do you stop a dog from barking in the backseat of a car?
Put it in the front seat.
- Why don’t oysters share their pearls?
Because they are shellfish.
- What do you call a pig who knows karate?
- What do you call a magic dog?
- How do you catch a rabbit?
Make a noise like a carrot.
- A driver and a zebra are out for a drive when they get pulled over by the police.
The police officer looks in the car and says “You need to take that zebra to the zoo.” So the driver turned around and took the zebra to the zoo right away.
The next day, the same police officer pulls over the same driver. He still has the zebra in the car with him.
The police officer says, “I told you to take the zebra to the zoo yesterday.”
And the driver says, “I did, and today, we are going to a baseball game.”
- What time do ducks get out of bed?
At the quack of dawn.
- A policeman knocked on an old lady’s door.
“One of your dogs has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.”
“Nonsense,” said the woman. “None of my dogs know how to ride a bike.”
- Why did the elephant paint its toenails different colors?
To hide in a bag of M&M’s.
- What kind of cat lives underwater?
- Where does a ten ton elephant sit?
Anywhere it wants.
- Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
It takes a long time for them to swallow their pride.
- What do you call a magician who puts their right hand inside the mouth of a shark?
- Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken didn’t exist yet.
- What do the farmers say to their cows after 9 p.m.?
Go to bed, it’s pasture bedtime.
- Why did the police officer give the sheep a ticket?
It made an illegal ewe turn.
- What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?
Anything it wants you to.
- How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel.
- Why can’t hippos ride bicycles?
Because they can’t find bike helmets to fit.
- What do you call a cow that twitches?
- Why aren’t koalas actually bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
Food Jokes for Kids
From simple and silly giggle makers to wordplay and puns, the variety of jokes about food and drink is as extensive as the types of foods your child refuses to eat.
Tell them over breakfast, share them over lunch, or crack them during dinner. These food jokes will whet your child’s appetite for humor.
- Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn’t find a date.
- How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it down a hill.
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
- What kind of cheese can never be yours?
- What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
- Why did the fisherman put peanut butter into the sea?
To go with the jellyfish.
- Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they’re such fungis.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crumb-y.
- How does a train eat?
It goes chew chew.
- What do you call a round, green vegetable that breaks out of prison?
- What kind of nut has no shell?
- What do you call a fake noodle?
- What starts with “t” ends with “t” and is filled with “t”?
- Who’s a dessert fan’s favorite actor?
Robert Brownie, Jr.
- Why doesn’t McDonald’s serve escargot?
It’s not fast food!
- What was left after the explosion in the French cheese factory?
Nothing but debrie.
- Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?
A sheet cake.
- Did you see the movie about the hot dog?
It was an Oscar wiener.
- Why does yogurt love going to museums?
Because it’s cultured.
- Every morning I plan to make pancakes, but I keep waffling.
- Did you hear the rumor about peanut butter?
I’m not telling you. You might spread it.
- How do you get a hipster to eat a hot dog?
Put it in a man bun.
Math Jokes for Kids
If the kids in your life enjoy math, what better way for you to share a laugh than with one, some, or all, of our parent-approved math jokes.
One word of warning though: We may have thrown in the occasional math humor curveball, so read through them all first. Make sure you understand each one before your child asks you to explain them.
- What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree?
- Why do teenagers only sit in groups of three, five, or seven?
Because they can’t even.
- I had an argument with a 90-degree angle.
It turns out it was right
- How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
- What tool is best suited for math?
- Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
- Why did the student wear glasses during math?
It improved di-vision.
- Do you know what seems odd to me?
Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
- Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because of the algo-rhythm.
- Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
- What do you call an angle that’s adorable?
- Why is the obtuse triangle always frustrated?
Because it’s never right.
- A talking sheepdog who loves math rounds up all of the sheep into a pen.
The dog comes back and says, “Okay, all 400 sheep are accounted for.”
“But,” says the farmer, “I’ve only got 360.”
The sheepdog replies, “I know, I rounded them up.”
- Which snakes are good at math?
- What’s a bird’s favorite type of math?
- Why should you never argue with decimals?
Because they always have a point.
- What did the math student say when the witch doctor removed their curse?
- Why are pig farmers so good at trigonometry?
Because they know all about swine and coswine.
- What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a clock?
- Teacher: What is 2k + k?
- Why couldn’t the polygon play in the big game?
Because he’d hurt his quadrilateral.
- What number do you call for help with math problems?
Science And Nature Jokes for Kids
Science can be as much fun as any other subject, and it is the basis for plenty of funny jokes for kids.
As someone who is proud to be called a nerd, I already had a reasonable supply of science-based jokes up my sleeve. The jokes below have all been tried out on a gaggle of kids and each one of them received the stamp of approval.
- Why can’t you trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
- I was reading a book about helium yesterday.
I couldn’t put it down.
- How do we know Saturn was married more than once?
Because it’s got so many rings.
- How does NASA organize a party?
- Why do people make bad chemistry jokes?
Because all the good ones Argon.
- What is a robot’s favorite snack?
- What did one DNA strand ask the other?
Do these genes look okay?
- What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity?
Gosh. That’s shocking.
- Why do spiders make great web developers?
Because they’re always finding bugs.
- Did you hear that oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.
- Why couldn’t the computers fall asleep?
Because it was always too wired.
- What types of songs do planets sing?
- I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out together.
I was like O Mg.
- What did the hipster ice cube say?
I was water before it was cool.
- One tectonic plate bumped into the other.
Sorry, it said, my fault.
- Why did the army use acid?
To neutralize the enemy’s base.
- Why don’t scientists have doorbells?
Because they want to win no-bell prizes.
- Why are computers so smart?
They listen to their motherboard.
- What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
- There are 10 kinds of people.
Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
- How does a physicist exercise?
By pumping ions.
- Why is the ocean always grumpy?
Because it has crabs on its bottom.
- What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi there, bud!
- What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
- What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
- What washes up on really small beaches?
- Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea weed.
- What does a cloud wear under its clothes?
- How do trees get on the internet?
They log in.
- Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs.
- What do you call a flower that runs on electricity?
A power plant.
- What does the wind play on family game night?
- Why did the cell stay in prison?
Because it was held in by walls.
- Why are biology teachers like philosophers?
They both give life lessons.
- What do plants do when someone’s unhappy?
Gross Jokes for Kids
Parents love clean jokes for kids, but kids like things to head into gross territory. There’s nothing like a good bodily function for raising a laugh with a child, and most kids enjoy hearing or telling jokes with an element of grossness.
But don’t worry. These examples are just gross enough to make them giggle but not so bad you’ll be embarrassed if your child repeats them.
- Why are ninja farts so dangerous?
They’re silent but deadly.
- Why was the nose sad?
Because it didn’t get picked.
- How do you tell one end of a worm from the other?
Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart.
- What’s the difference between broccoli and boogers?
Kids don’t eat broccoli.
- A dung beetle walks into a restaurant and says:
“Excuse me, is this stool taken?”
- Why should you never fart on an elevator?
Because it’s wrong on so many levels.
- How do you tell the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
- Why did Tigger go into the bathroom?
He was looking for Pooh.
- What do you get if you eat beans with onions?
- What did one booger say to the other?
You think you’re funny, but you’re snot.
- Why did the detective look up the nose?
He was looking for fingerprints.
- Have you seen the new movie, “Constipated?”
No? That’s because it hasn’t come out yet.
- Why did the constipated accountant lose his job?
Because he couldn’t budge-it.
- Why did the skeleton burp?
Because it didn’t have the guts to fart.
- Poop jokes aren’t my favorite jokes.
But they’re a solid number two.
- What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
- An old married couple is in church one Sunday.
Suddenly, the old woman turns to her husband and says,
“I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
The husband turned to her and says:
“Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”
- What drives out of your nose at 150 mph?
Music Jokes For Kids
Whether your child is a classically trained musician who knows all about music theory, a budding comic who enjoys a good pun, or a fan of music, there is something for them on our list of music jokes for kids.
- What kind of music do mummies listen to?
- What do you get when you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
- What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tube-a toothpaste.
- Why did the pianist bang their head against the keys?
They were playing by ear.
- What concert costs just 45 cents?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
- What musical keys do cows sing in?
- What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
- What music frightens balloons?
- What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose — you can blow it like a trumpet and pick it like a guitar.
- Why couldn’t the pianist start their car?
Because the keys were on their piano.
- What did the guitar say to the guitar player?
Stop stringing me along.
- Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
- I kept thinking I could hear music coming from my printer.
Turns out it is was jamming.
- What did Jay-Z call his wife before they were married?
- Why do turkeys make the best drummers?
Because they have drumsticks.
- Why are pirates great singers?
They hit the high C’s.
- Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because someone put on the salsa.
- Why did the fish make such a good musician?
It was a natural with scales.
- What kind of music do rabbits like best?
- What do you call a musician with problems?
Sports Jokes For Kids
From soccer, football, and baseball to NASCAR, swimming, and golf, these sports jokes for kids raise a smile for fans of every kind. Tell them at practice, or while sitting in the stands at a game. No matter where you tell them, or who you tell, sports jokes have a universal appeal.
- What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
- Why is a baseball stadium always windy?
Because it’s full of fans.
- What kind of race is never run?
A swimming race.
- Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.
- What kind of pets like NASCAR?
- Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she always runs away from the ball.
- Which type of goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them, crossbars can’t jump.
- What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
- Why did the police attend the baseball game?
They heard that someone had stolen a base.
- Why should you avoid dinner with a basketball player?
Because they dribble.
- When is a baseball player like a spider?
When he catches a fly.
- Why is tennis such a loud sport?
The players raise a racquet.
- What time is it when a golf ball goes through a window?
Time to get a new window.
- What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
- Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in pole position.
- How is a baseball team like a pancake?
They both need a good batter.
- Why did the orange lose the race?
It ran out of juice.
- Which insect do you not want to see in goal?
A fumble bee.
- Why aren’t chickens good at sports?
Because they hit fowl balls.
- What do you get when you cross a baseball pitcher with a carpet?
A throw rug.
- Why don’t baseball players join unions?
Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes.
- Why are there no football stadiums in space?
Because there’s no atmosphere.
Birthday Jokes for Kids
Your child doesn’t have to stop cracking jokes when their birthday rolls around. Let them in on these rib ticklers and they’ll be entertaining friends and family with these birthday jokes.
But beware, they’re likely to use these jokes on everyone’s birthday, so you might want to ration them out.
- Why did the baker put the birthday cake in the freezer?
Because it had to be iced.
- How did the birthday party guests break their teeth?
They bit into the marble cake.
- How can you tell if an elephant’s been to your birthday party?
There are footprints on your cake.
- What did the pirate say exactly one year after their 79th birthday?
- Patient: “Doctor, please help me. I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Well, next time, take off the candles.”
- What does a turtle do on its birthday?
- What do you sing to a kangaroo once a year?
- What kind of cake does the Ice Queen like to eat on her birthday?
The flavor doesn’t matter as long as it has lots of frosting.
- What’s the most stressful moment for a dragon?
Blowing out his birthday candles.
- What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee fan?
- What did the grumpy candle say?
“I hate birthdays. They burn me up.”
- What flavor cake do elves like on their birthday?
- Why do birthdays make kangaroos unhappy?
They only get to celebrate them in leap years.
- What do you give a 900-pound gorilla for its birthday?
I don’t know, but you’d better hope it likes it.
- Where does a snowman put birthday candles?
On their birthday flake.
- What do you sing to a cat on its birthday?
Happy birthday to mew.
- My family was so poor, the only thing I got on my birthday was another year older.
Dad Jokes for Kids
Turns out, parents are getting the last laugh. The corny jokes parents have long made are becoming hot stuff now. Their cringe-worthiness of their jokes is a trend all on its own, with dad jokes coming super popular in recent times.
If your kid loves dad jokes, they’ll love the ones in this section.
- I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday.
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
- Why should you stay away from trees?
They can be a little shady.
- My dogs are called Rolex and Timex.
They’re my watch dogs.
- When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
- I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
- What did the buffalo say when its child left for college?
- Why are pediatricians always so angry?
Because they have little patients.
- Why is “R” the pirate’s second favorite letter?
Because their first love is the C.
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
They woke up when the teacher shouted.
- Why are mountains so good at telling jokes?
Because they’re hill areas.
- What days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.
- A man is washing his car with his son when the son asks him:
“Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
- What’s red and smells like blue paint?
- A man was surprised to discover a fairy living at the end of his garden.
The fairy offered three wishes to the man if he’d keep the fairy’s existence a secret.
“Deal,” said the man.
“For my first wish, I’d like to be rich.”
“Okay, Rich,” said the fairy, “what would you like for your second wish?”
- What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
About 5,000 miles.
- How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
- Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when the ships dock, it’s easy to Scandinavian.
- What’s a foot long and slippery?
- Why can’t you eat Wookie meat?
Because it’s chewy.
- What do you call bears with no ears?
- Two goldfish are in a tank.
One fish says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
- Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
- What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to get down a hill?
Walking. JK. Rolling.
- Why don’t hippies like camping?
‘Cause it’s in tents, man.
- How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
Yo Mama Jokes for Kids
Yes, some people view yo mama jokes as offensive and feel they are based on misogynistic and other offensive principles. However, as a mama, I have told these jokes to my own kids, and both my kids and I have enjoyed them in the spirit in which they were told.
- Yo mama’s so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- Yo mama’s so fat she walked past the TV and I missed six episodes.
- Yo mama’s so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
- Yo mama’s so old, her Social Security number is one.
- Yo mama’s so stupid she sold her car for gas money.
- Yo mama’s so fat her belly gets home 15 minutes before the rest of her.
- Yo mama’s so poor, she can’t even afford to pay attention.
- Yo moma’s so fat, she had to get baptized at SeaWorld.
- Yo mama’s so short her head smells like feet.
- Yo mama’s so old her memory is in black and white.
- Yo mama’s so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window and let the wind blow it.
- Yo mama’s so stupid she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
- Yo mama’s house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
- Yo mama’s so ugly, when she was little, she could only trick-or-treat by phone.
- Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- Yo mama’s so skinny her pajamas only have one stripe.
- Yo moma’s so fat, she has to use a satellite to take selfies.
- Yo mama’s so lazy she’s got a remote control just to operate her remote.
- Yo mama’s so ugly not even goldfish will smile back.
- Yo mama’s so short, people thought she was a Funko Pop
- Yo mama’s so old that when she was in school, history classes hadn’t been invented.
- Yo mama’s so stupid if she said what’s on her mind she’d probably be speechless.
- Yo mama’s so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
- Yo mama’s so fat she doesn’t skinny dip, she chunky dunks.
- Yo mama’s so stupid she dropped a rock on the ground and missed.
- Yo mama’s so ugly, she made a Happy Meal cry.
- Yo mama’s so dirty a tornado hit her house and did $10,000 worth of improvement.
- Yo mama’s so small she got run over by a Hot Wheel.
- Yo mama’s house is so small, if you buy a large pizza you have to go outside to eat it.
- Yo mama’s so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.
- Yo mama’s so ugly that even Scooby Doo couldn’t solve that mystery.
- Yo mama’s so fat she has two watches; one for each time zone she’s in.
- Yo mama’s so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers.
Humor Is Subjective
There isn’t a single person who is guaranteed to find every one of these jokes hilarious, but that’s ok. We intentionally chose a range of joke styles and subjects with the aim of sharing a list in which most people would find at least one or two jokes funny.
Hopefully, a few on this list will bring a smile to your child’s face.